Things You Could Do With a Pots-and-Pans Iron Man Suit

There are very few things in this world that are more exciting to me than the idea of having my very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit. I say "very own" because, to be crystal clear, I would never ever share this suit with anybody. In fact, I really shouldn't have to address that because if you know anything about pots-and-pans Iron Man suits then you know that they are tailored to fit the androgynous yet supple curves of only one man/girl. That man/girl is me, and this is my pots-and-pans Iron Man suit that we're talking about, not yours. Yours probably sucks because you have no idea how to make one.

Did I say there are "very few things in this world that are more exciting to me than the idea of having my very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit"? I did. Did I mean it? No. Because there is NOTHING more exciting to me than the idea of having my very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit.

How does one attain a pots-and-pans Iron Man suit? You build it. Tony Stark built his in a poorly-lit cave with the use of only semi-fancy and expensive tools, an accented slave, a smelting cup, and some fire. This is how it is done in Jon Favreau's feature film on the subject. I'm told "Iron Man" is a comic book. I don't know how the suit is built in the comic book, I have a personal life.

Things you will need to build your very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit:

1) Pots

2) and Pans

3) that metal wire stuff one might use in a garden to tie up plants, such as tomatoes, so they don't fall to ground from their own weight.

4) no metal wire stuff? String could work. (note: this item will be paramount in holding your suit together)

5) Super-soaker (2) and/or Nerf gun (2)

6) Cereal Box (Captain Crunch works best)


Assembly:

1) make a helmet out of the Captain Crunch Box.

2) Cover your body in pots (item 1) and pans (item 2) so that you leave no skin exposed.

3) grab onto your guns of choice and hit the town!


I know that this already sounds like an awesome time. You might even think it sounds off the chain. Well, I couldn't agree more. Imagine walking to the Supermarket in your pots-and-pans Iron Man suit. Imagine chasing a squirrel. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH FUN IT WOULD BE TO MAKE GUACAMOLE IN A FOOD PROCESSOR WHILE WEARING YOUR VERY OWN POTS-AND-PANS IRON MAN SUIT? Too much fun, that's how much. Imagine going to work in your very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit and marching into your boss's office, drunkenly slurring the melody to Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" while you urinate into the pot covering your penis which creates a hysterical pinging sound as you shoot your super-soakers all over the presentation documents on his desk.

Imagine getting fired in your pots-and-pans Iron Man suit.

Imagine going to the unemployment office in your pots-and-pans Iron Man suit.

Oh my God, Imagine being homeless in a pots-and-pans Iron Man suit! Imagine how much change you would rake in. Enough to build another pots-and-pans Iron Man suit? Maybe enough to build your homeless friend you've recently defeated in a territorial dispute with the help of your pots-and-pans Iron Man suit, or the stray tabby cat you've affectionately named "Lawrence" a pots-and-pans War Machine suit? Probably not. But, that is for the better. Trust me, you WILL want to be the only one on the scene with your very own pots-and-pans Iron Man suit.

Bottom line. The possibilities are endless.